Confessons of an Army Wife

I've debated hitting the "Publish" button on this blog post for quite some time now.  Some people won't agree with what I'm saying, some people will be in full agreement with what I'm saying, and others will just wonder why I felt the need to post this at all.

Let me back up.  My husband and I got married July 9, 2016 after a two year long-distance relationship! He was serving in the Army Reserves at the time (and had been since 2010) and while I was technically the wife of an Army Reservist, I didn't flaunt the title of Army Wife because I knew the wives who were married to men serving Active Duty and the spouses of those deployed had things much more difficult than I did, along with the spouses of veterans.  They lived through experiences I couldn't imagine and honestly wasn't sure I'd ever have to.  During our relationship, Travis has never deployed or been gone longer than about 2 weeks for training.  I've always respected military spouses and families, especially the men and women in uniform.  My maternal grandfather retired from the US Navy and my paternal grandfather retired from the US Army.  I've always been so proud of my grandfathers and their stories, the time they served, and I also had a tremendous amount of respect for my grandmothers who lived the military spouse life for many years!  That respect has only grown since this summer when everything changed!

On July 12, I woke up nauseous and knew instantly I was pregnant (craziest feeling ever, I know!) I took a pregnancy test and within seconds my notion was confirmed (literally seconds).  My husband and I were ready to be parents but had no clue when we would be blessed with a positive pregnancy test.  Just hours later, the Army called my husband, Travis, and informed him that he was being given the opportunity to switch components from the Reserves to Active Duty!  This was an opportunity he has wanted for what seems like forever.  Again, we had no clue if/when this opportunity would ever present itself after his 7 years in the Reserves. We knew we were in for a wild ride but through it all, I've been thankful for God's timing.  Had we even found out we were pregnant a day later, things might have looked different.  The next day, we were given a couple options of where our duty station could be and we agreed upon Fort Stewart, Georgia.  It's about an hour or so from Savannah, Georgia which is one of our favorite destinations.  Savannah has always been on the list of "if we're given the opportunity, we'd move in a heartbeat!" Easier said that done but we went with it! The rest of July and August feel like a whirlwind of preparing to move, preparing to leave our civilian life behind, and preparing for the Army life!

Travis reported for in-processing September 5 and we spent most of the month apart while trying to find somewhere to live!  We officially moved in to our new home at the end of September.  Less than 10 days later, Travis was told he'd be going to Puerto Rico on a mission after Hurricane Maria.  We had about a week to prepare before he left, which was better than the original 72 hour window we were given!! We did all we could in that week to prepare.  Our house was still in boxes after spending 10 days without air conditioning...in Georgia...in September (where it isn't fall yet)...being a crazy pregnant lady...with a crazy dog!  However, our home was far from ready when Travis did have to leave.

Travis left October 9 and I felt like I jumped in head first to the life of an Army Wife.  The things that I've experienced in the past 6 weeks have put a whole new perspective on the Military vs. Civilian life.  I'll contribute part of it to being a crazy pregnant lady.  Emotions while pregnant are no joke and I'm already an emotional person! I'm sure my feelings have only been intensified due to having just uprooted my life again and having my husband away from such a precious time in life. 

While its only been 6 weeks with Travis gone, the things people have said and have found it okay to say to me have just left me speechless some days.  They repeat in my head when I'm having a tough day and they're the reason for writing this post.

"You signed up for this." This one's first on the list because it hurts the most.  But, you're right! I did "sign up" to love and support my husband throughout life.  I will continue to love and support him while he serves our country.  This is a job he chose and he's great at!  He has a heart to serve others and who would I be to not support that?  I am thankful for his heart and his service!  Just because I love and support him through that decision doesn't mean you're allowed to downplay my feelings because "we signed up for it!" I also agreed to love my husband through sickness and health.  Chances are if you took wedding vows you did the same! So if my husband were to be diagnosed with cancer, is it okay to say, "well, you signed up for this!"?  NO! No one in their right mind would think its okay to tell someone that! So why is it okay with the military?  Why is it okay to say about a job choice?  Its not! 

"Welcome to the military!"  Gee, thanks for the warm welcome.  I know to expect the unexpected.  I know its normal for flights home to change a million times.  I know this will not be our last time apart.  I know this will probably be our shortest mission.  I know Travis will miss important dates and holidays.  There's a good chance he could miss the birth of a child.  I know all of these things.  Again, just because I KNOW these things doesn't mean I'm not allowed to be sad when a flight is pushed later or when Travis has to miss a holiday or an ultrasound.  That's allowed and thanks again for that warm welcome!

"You should get used to this." Yes, I should.  I should get used to disappointment and delays.  I should get used to holidays without my husband.  I should get used to time apart and countdowns until homecomings.  Does that mean I don't get to have emotions along the way? No! Will I grow more accustomed to the military lifestyle the longer we're in it? Yes! Again, not a reason to downplay how I feel or how I'm "allowed" to feel!

"This will make you stronger." You're right.  This WILL make me stronger and already has!  I've already learned so many lessons about myself, my husband, and my marriage in our 6 weeks apart.  I know more lessons will come and I know they'll probably get harder along the way.  I know I'll learn lessons quicker or at different stages in life than a civilian wife might.  I know my marriage will look and feel different because of the challenges we'll face.  Again, let me relate this to a civilian marriage issue.  If you know someone whose spouse is diagnosed with cancer, would you say this to them? "This will make you stronger." I wouldn't! Maybe that's just me?  Again, this isn't a statement its okay to say to military spouses just because its military related.  Hard things come and go in life and this statement is one I'd just recommend avoiding!

"But, it could be so much worse!" Yes, you're right! It could be worse!  Travis could be gone longer.  Travis could miss the birth of our first child or any of the future children we hope to have.  Travis could be in a much more dangerous area than Puerto Rico.  I know full and well that I'm lucky for all those things.  I'm grateful Travis is in Puerto Rico for 2ish months rather than a 10 month deployment to the Middle East.  I'm grateful Travis will probably be home for the birth of our son in March, there's no guarantee that could happen.  I KNOW things could be worse.  I KNOW wives dealing with some of the very issues I'm thankful we don't have to yet.  But would I ever think to say this to someone?! NO!  I've even said multiple times that I do feel "lucky" in this mission because of these reasons.  But why is it okay to say to me? It's not, so please don't!

"You have it easy, he could be gone longer." Again, you're right! He could be gone longer.  That doesn't mean its easy.  I'm a human being who loves my husband something fierce!  Whether he's gone for a normal work day, a weekend of training, or months on a mission or deployment, I am ALLOWED to be sad, mad, frustrated, upset, angry, hopeful, and all the other emotions that come along the way.  I am allowed to have a rollercoaster of emotions because of what we're experiencing. Just because I'm a military spouse DOESN'T mean I can't feel those feelings.

These are real things people have said and I've heard them multiple times.  I already know I'll hear them again in the future.  It comes with the whole military life thing!  But please hear me when I say, no one wants to be told these things!  Not a single one of these statements HELPED me feel better.  Not a single one of these statements made me stronger.  Whether its me or another military family member you know, don't say these things to them unless you're trying to crush them.

Today was the day Travis was supposed to fly home.  Instead, he'll miss Thanksgiving.  I go through different emotions when I think about it.   I know its one holiday, its a simple day to eat turkey, but its another special day we'll be apart.  I consider myself lucky that this should be the last holiday Travis will miss this time, but I'm still allowed to have feelings.  I'm still allowed to be sad that he won't be here.  If your spouse or child couldn't make it to Thanksgiving, you're allowed to be sad.  We're allowed to feel the same!  The point of this isn't "woe is me," far from it!  I appreciate all the positive things people have said to lift me up like...

"You've got this!"
"Keep going"
"You made it one more week!"
"How are you doing?"
"I love you!"
"I'm so proud of you!"
"I don't know how you're doing it!"

Those have kept me going when I'm having a tough day!  So thank you if you've said one of the nice things! There have been plenty of positive so please hear me when I say thank you for the support!!

Today I lost it though.  Today made me push the Publish button finally. 

Someone simply said, "How are you doing?" face to face, point blank.  A statement I support and love!  Most of the time when people ask this, its through a text message which I've been able to hide behind.  Today I couldn't hide my feelings.  I truly lost it because I'm not okay like the thumbs up I was trying to give while my eyes welled up with tears!  I am sad, I am disappointed Travis' flight got pushed back two more times just this week, I do miss my husband and best friend.  I'm sad he's missing feeling our son's first kicks from the outside.  I miss simple things like sitting on the couch after dinner or Travis' sweet kiss to my belly before going to bed at night.  I'm frustrated with myself that I can't be stronger.  I feel weak that I don't want to stay in our new home alone while Travis is gone.  Some days I miss our "old" life and wish we could just go back to July 11 before everything changed.  I am tired and just want my husband home! 

I'm allowed to feel all of that.  My feelings shouldn't be downplayed or forgotten.  I'm a human being who happens to be happily married to a man who serves in the United States Army!  I couldn't be more proud of him!  Yes, I'm also a crazy pregnant lady so my emotions are probably more intense than normal and I'll admit that!  But please watch what you say to our military families.  Some of them are experiencing things you might not ever have to.  Some of you have already lived out your military days or you're experiencing it currently.  Be supportive, speak love, be nice, and help someone when they're down! 

Top 25 Lessons Learned Working at Walt Disney World!

New lessons are inevitable wherever you go.  That being said, I knew that a lot of lessons would be learned over my 5 months of working at Walt Disney World.  Here's the 25 most honest lessons I learned during my experience and don't be afraid to laugh along with me.

1. Don't be afraid to ask Cast Members for help.

You probably look silly staring at your map circling around Liberty Square but by admitting you need a little help, you will get where you need to go (without wasting all that time)!  And time is of the essence here, people!

2. I can give awesome directions to anywhere in Magic Kingdom (and the other parks while I'm at it)!
Go ahead. Try me!

3. Don't wait until the last minute to find something to eat.

You will be grumpy and no one wants to deal with you at that point.  Don't be shocked when you have to wait in a line for food as well.  Remember, this is Disney World and what's Disney without another line to wait in?!

4. Please don't take your frustrations out on the innocent Cast Members.

Chances are if they look like they are miserable, they are!!  Dealing with unhappy tourists for 10+ hours a day gets old really fast!  Just because you're a Guest doesn't give you permission to yell at, harass, or ridicule Cast Members who try to help you!

5.  You'll never meet harder workers than Disney's Cast Members.  
They work harder than you could imagine and they try to keep a smile just to please you!  Weekends don't exists and hard work is the only option.

6. I never want to see another tourist again.

I can only handle Aussies, Brits, and Canadians because they were never mean to me!!

7. People love taking pictures with Colonial Women!

It doesn't matter if I'm outside as Bell Ringer or if I'm sweating while bussing tables, at least once a week (if not once a day) I've been asked to take pictures with Guests!

8. Please don't ever take more than you need from the condiment bar.

As much as you think the people who sit at your table next wants your leftover napkins and already-been-touched ketchup, they don't!  And I'll throw away the stuff you leave on the table anyways.

9. If you're in a quick service restaurant, please throw your trash away!

Don't you throw your own trash away at Zaxby's and Chick-Fil-A?  If you don't have a waitress, you're expected to throw your own trash away.

10. Don't forget your brain at the gate.

It happens to the best of people.

11. Living with five people is hard.

No matter how old you are or how much schooling you've had, there will always be drama. Always.  I promise you I will never live with five people again unless they happen to be my husband and four children.

12. People always need to know where the bathroom is.

Under the bridge on the left at Rapunzel's tower.

13. Magic Kingdom isn't magical enough to not need a beer (for some people).
You can buy alcohol everywhere else, but the only way you'll get any alcohol at Magic Kingdom is if you have a dinner reservation for Be Our Guest.  Remember this 180 days before you plan to be at Magic Kingdom in desperate need of a beer or you won't get a reservation meaning you have to suffer with all the other people who feel the need to get some alcohol at the Happiest Place on Earth.

14.  I can guess just by looking at a group of people where they're from, what language they speak, and just how large their group size is.
Its a skill...mad skills.

15.  Hearing a "thank you" is more magical than anything else at work.
Nothing makes a 12 hour day better than hearing that a Guest appreciated what you did for them.  Making magic is all in a day's work but actually hearing a "thank you" for it is hard to come by!  Use those manners your Mama taught you!

16.  I'm awesome at guessing children's ages!
9 times out of 10, I guessed children's ages right!  It sure did impress them and their parents too.  Other than that, I didn't use my major at all for the past 5 months!

17.  The 13 years of Spanish I took in school didn't amount to anything.
Sorry Señorita Alvarez!

18. Cleaning up after other people's messes is humbling and absolutely disgusting at the same time.
Please don't make me do it again.  Bussing still haunts my dreams.

19. I can change seven 30-pound ketchup bags in 20 minutes or less.
I consider that a personal record and I'd like to go down in the Columbia Harbour House record books.

20. Smiling is really hard when you hate your job.
And y'all know how much I love to smile.

21. Don't EVER come to Disney World between Christmas and New Year's.
You will regret it.  You won't ride rides unless you wait at least an hour for each one.  You won't be able to walk through the parks without being told to keep to the right and keep moving.  As much as you might want to be at Disney World for New Year's Eve, I personally don't think its worth it!  Come another time of year when you can get the most bang for your buck.

22.  Being an underpaid teacher has never sounded so amazing!
I've always known being a teacher, I will easily not be someone who is loaded!  However, I've never been as broke as I have working at Disney!  Between the fact that I was making just above minimum wage and living in Orlando where everything is so expensive, a salary of $30,000/year sounds pretty glamorous to me!  (Something I never thought I'd say!)

23.  People are mean.

I realize I didn't have to work at Disney World to learn this sad truth, but I've never known so many people to be downright mean.  I'm from South Carolina where people not only tell you hello but follow that with a "How are you?" (and they genuinely care about how you're doing!)  Maybe this isn't something the rest of the world does, but that's exactly what I'm used to.  Unfortunately Disney is pretty much the exact opposite.  I'm expected to care about all 50,000+ guests at Magic Kingdom and guess how many care about me?  When I'm trying to be nice to Guests by giving them free water, maybe throwing in a free dessert if they waited too long, or just trying to make conversation while they are waiting in line, you'd be shocked as to how they act.  I've been spit at, yelled at, and of course complained about.  I made a man cry because his french fries weren't hot enough...so he complained to my manager about me!

24. Life is better without expectations.
A lot of expectations form over 10 years of hoping and preparing for something (like this program).  Its extremely easy for all of those expectations to be crushed (like they were).  My new goal in life is to not build up high expectations, just let life happen!

And finally...

25. God is good.  All the time.
I can tell you a million times just how crazy and unexpected this experience was but God's love for me never waivered.  I fell more and more in love with Jesus daily and I couldn't be more thankful for that!  I wouldn't have made it through this if it weren't for the friendships God gave me along the way and the hope I have in Jesus!  Realizing that God has even bigger plans for me than to stay at Disney World was such an amazing lesson to learn!  He will never leave me nor forsake me, and that's the best lesson of all!


Thanks for following this experience and keep following what's next in this adventure we call life!!

Extra Thankful this Thanksgiving

In case you don't already know, I luckily had the opportunity to come home for Thanksgiving this year.  Since March, I've been preparing myself to spend Thanksgiving working in Orlando some 500 miles away from those I love with tens of thousands of strangers.  That was the plan and unless a miracle happened, that's what would be happening this Thanksgiving.  Just a couple weeks ago I texted my sister/partner-in-crime to ask if I should come home and surprise Mama and Daddy for Thanksgiving.  Of course there was a big "if" standing in my way...it would only work out IF my schedule allowed.  I got my schedule two weeks ago and had the usual Monday and Wednesday off.  I updated Sarah on my schedule and started prowling for someone to give my shifts to.  I knew I would need to give away Tuesday and Thursday to make it worth it, even if it meant driving on Thanksgiving.  First I gave away Thursday then Tuesday and I even found someone to give Friday to!  It was so hard keeping this secret from my parents since we talk almost every day.  Every talk I'd have with my mom, she would be in tears asking if the Mouseketeeria would be serving me a Thanksgiving dinner on Thanksgiving.  And after my mom put up the Christmas tree without me (first time that's ever happened), she was in more tears about how I wouldn't get to see it until January when I come home.  Little did she know she would be the one serving me a Thanksgiving dinner and I'd be seeing the Christmas tree soon!!  

I drove home Monday without much traffic, if only I'd be that lucky when I drive back, eeek!  I wanted to walk in to my parents getting ready for dinner but it had been a crazy day for my mom so she was out running errands.  I was at Target wasting time until she got home...and then she decided to come to Target!  Luckily Sarah was on the phone with her when she pulled in the parking lot and I had to make my way out of the store without seeing her!!!  I sat in my car waiting for her to leave the store so I could follow her home and surprise her!  (That's the creepiest I've ever felt hahaha!)  While I thought about surprising my mom IN Target, I figured too many tears would be involved to be in a public setting.  So finally I made my way home.  I had an elaborate plan but figured walking in the door would shock them just as much!  I pulled in the driveway with my lights off so I couldn't blow my cover at the last minute, opened the garage, ran up the steps and tried opening the door.  My key was struggling and wouldn't open the door but my mom heard something and saw the light on in the garage.  She asked my dad, "Glenn, did I forget to close the garage?"  As she opened the blinds, guess who she saw?!  MEEEEEE!!!!! She instantly screamed, "What are you doing here?!" Cue the tears!  My dad was still trying to figure out what was going on, I think, but made his way to the door!  We all cried and cried!!  I've never wanted to be home hugging my Mama and Daddy so much.  Of course one of the first questions was, "So how long are you staying?"  My original answer was to leave on Friday but asked my mom if she'd like me to see if I could give my Saturday shift away, so I did!!  I lucked out with a 6-day mini vacation that I couldn't be more thankful for!  Most of my friends at Disney didn't get this opportunity nor do they live close enough to just drive home, so I can't be feeling anymore thankful!

Even though I had been telling myself since March that working on Thanksgiving instead of being with my family would be okay, I knew it would be very difficult!  Thankfully, my family will be at Disney with me for Christmas so we don't have to worry about anymore holidays apart!  As it got closer to Thanksgiving, I realized just how badly I needed to go home this Thanksgiving if it was at all possible.  I guess you could say Thanksgiving's aren't always the happiest in the Fogle house.  My mom's worst car accident happened the Tuesday before Thanksgiving when I was in elementary school, I lost my best friend the Saturday after Thanksgiving in 7th grade, and then there was the Thanksgiving Break-up of 2009, a couple Thanksgiving's with Nana's progressing Alzheimer's, last year's ankle surgery was days before Thanksgiving, and all those memories were topped off with my sweet Nana going to heaven last year.  So while my family is such a thankful family, you could say we've had some painful and difficult holidays.  However, when we all get together, we couldn't be more thankful for our time together!  This year was no exception and I honestly can't think of a time where I've felt more thankful.

Going into my adventure at Disney, I knew big lessons would be learned.  One of the biggest I've learned so far has to be thankfulness.  While its very hard to be thankful daily in my job, getting this opportunity to come home and reflect reminds me just how thankful I am for everything in my life!  I am so very thankful for my family!  They are the core of who I am and without them, I'd be nowhere!  Im' thankful for my sweet friends spread out across the whole country!!  Knowing that no matter where I am, I have people who love and support me makes life so much more enjoyable!  I'm so thankful to have a job, even if it wasn't what I would have chosen for myself.  I'm thankful for the adventure I'm still living out in Disney World, and thankful I still have about a month left to ride out this dream of mine!  Who knew dreams could come true?  If nothing else, I'll never stop dreaming and following my dreams!  I'm thankful for so so much in my life right now and I know I wouldn't be who I am without the love from the Lord above!!  He is far too good to me and I can't complain!  The best feeling of all is when I fall asleep at night thanking God for all He has blessed me with and the list just goes on and on and on!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!  This Thanksgiving has reached a whole new meaning of thankfulness!

What's Next?

It's that question people couldn't help but ask throughout my senior year of college, and I suppose it will be the question that's always asked.  What's next?  What are you doing after this?  So, what's next?  Hmmm...good question! 

Last spring when I found out I was accepted into the Disney College Program, I had an answer for everyone's questions.  I didn't have to worry.  I had a job, a place to live, and something to do with my life!  Granted I didn't know where my job was at and I didn't know where I'd live or who I'd be living with, but I knew it would all be provided for me in time.  I knew I wouldn't have to worry about what's next until January 3.  To top it all off, I was getting to live out a dream of working at Disney World!  I came into this experience thinking I would stay at Disney forever.  I left Irmo in August thinking I'd never live there again.  Honestly, I had every expectation to be a Disney Cast Member until I retire and I was so excited about this being the opportunity that opened that door!  I knew that I was made to work at Disney World and in my mind, nothing was going to stop me.  If you know me at all, you know I'm a planner and the plan was to complete my program in January and soon after start a Professional Internship that would hopefully land me a job in May.  While I applied for some Professional Internships when the applications came out in September, it didn't take long for me to realize my heart wasn't in those internships no matter how much it made sense to just stay one extra semester.

To say this experience didn't turn out to be what I expected is an understatement.  I have been looking forward to doing this program for 10 years since I stumbled upon the DCP website in 2003.  The expectations and hopes that you create over 10 years can easily be shattered by the reality of the hard work that comes with this program.  I'm not even entirely sure what all I anticipated on happening, but I know this experience is nothing like what I was expecting at any point during those 10 years of dreaming.  I was given the role of Quick Service Food and Beverage and placed at the Columbia Harbour House.  To say that wasn't the role I was hoping for is definitely an understatement.  I have experience in food and the last thing I wanted was to work at a restaurant again...even if it was at Magic Kingdom.  

The first month of work was good.  Yes, there were hard days, but I didn't ever let them get to me.  In my mind, I was still planning on having that Cinderella story of working my way up from the very bottom.  I just kept reminding myself that one day this would all make for a great Disney story.  (All the Cast Members high up have one!)  I told myself that I was there to prove how hard of a worker I was and that the day would come where I wouldn't have to do anymore trash or deal with hungry, complaining guests...and it would all be worth it in the end!  Like I said, the first month was great!  Everything was good and nothing could stop me from living out this life-long dream!  Shortly after being here for a month, the reality set in.

Hi, my name is Rachel and I work at Walt Disney World, the one place I've always wanted to work.  I have a college degree and I'm supposed to be a teacher right now and yet here I am taking out trash, dealing with disrespectful Guests, and working at the bottom of the totem pole.  I am a teeny tiny fish in this humongous ocean that is Walt Disney World.  And although I love people more than anything in this world, I've developed a strong dislike for the human race based on the people I deal with on a daily basis.  And to think, I work at the Happiest Place on Earth...in the Magic Kingdom for goodness sake!

That's my mentality.  That's what I feel every day.  I'm at the place I've always wanted to work and yet I can't wait to leave this place most days.  Most of my days are far from magical and the only reminders that I work in Magic Kingdom are the hilarious Disney outfits, swarms of Brazilian tour groups, outrageous numbers of Mickey ears, and tons of Guests with celebration buttons.  The thing I love most in this world is people and I work in a park with 50,000 new people daily!  You would think I would be on Cloud 9 getting to talk to all of these people from around the world.  Instead, I've kind of lost my hope for humanity.  I don't see manners, I don't hear "thank you's", I hear screaming, I see parents who hit and kick their children, I see disrespect, I hear complaining, and I don't like any of it!  Its all negative and I can't stand it!  These aren't the people I love.  These people don't have any love in their hearts, and if they do they're doing a really good job of hiding it.  I'm the girl who always smiles and some days its hard to smile!  I'm optimistic and yet I can't seem to find the positives in this day-to-day life.  Where's the magic?  Where's the happiness?  How can people be so mean at Disney World?  I've had Guests yell at me, argue with me, literally scream in my face, and I have even had a child spit on me.  And while I can't wait to be an educator and I pride myself on being able to discipline children, I especially can't handle it when I find myself in a position of wanting to discipline a child because his/her parents don't know how to.  Don't make me discipline your child!!  Do you let your child run circles around your dining room table?  Why should they run around mine?  Do you let your kids stand on chairs and sit on your kitchen table?  Why would you let them sit on ours here?  I know you don't let your children run around like wild animals at home so why is it they get to at Magic Kingdom?!  All of these questions will never be answered and I'm okay with that but I knew not long after starting this job, this wasn't the place for me.  The biggest problem is...

I don't love who I am here.

I've never felt like this.  I loved PC and all that it was for me.  I loved my life at PC!  Between ADPi, Admissions, being a CA, my best friends, my sweet residents, the incomparable community, and the love that is at PC, there were never days of doubt that I was in the wrong place.  I loved my summers at Lake Junaluska and I loved the person I get to be at the lake.  I love getting to tell youth how awesome Jesus is and I love the life they can fill a room with!  I love getting to see Jesus at work and I never doubted my place while working at Lake J.  But here is different.  I don't love me here.  I know I can't stay here because I can't be the best me that I can be while I'm working here.  And that's the most disappointing realization I hope to ever have!  The one place I've always wanted to be is just no good for me!  Why is this so different?  I don't have my family, my church, or my community.  I have some friends and I enjoy the people I work with but nothing can compare to the community I had at PC or the loving family that misses me at home or the awesome church family I have at Union UMC!  Nothing can compare with the community who made me who I am.  And I want nothing more than to be back in Irmo and get back to being the me that I love!

While its somewhat relieving to know that I don't belong here and that I do belong somewhere else, its so heartbreaking at the same time.  I remember standing in front of Cinderella's Castle during Wishes when I came to Disney World for Spring Break of my freshman year of college.  With tears running down my cheeks, I dreamed to one day work here.  Its that same feeling I get every time I watch Wishes when I realize this is my wish coming true!  I'm literally following my dream.  All those Walt Disney quotes about how fun it is to do the impossible things the rest of the world tells us we can't do, I'm living them out!!!  And now I'm leaving.  I feel as if I'm letting myself down, as if I'm giving up on my dreams, as if I'm going back to doing what the world says I should do and forgetting what I want to do.  That's the biggest battle I have with myself.  Am I giving up on the one thing I've always wanted to do?  Quite possibly, yes.  But I have to pray that this is the right thing.  I pray that this gut feeling I have that this is not where I belong is true.  I pray that God has bigger and better dreams for me, I just haven't discovered them yet!  I still have big dreams as far as being a teacher and one day being a principal!  I just have to get out of Walt Disney World and into the world of education before those dreams get to become a reality!

So, what's next?  January 3 I'll make my voyage back to Irmo, South Carolina, the sweet town I miss so much.  The town where I can get anywhere I want within 10 minutes and not have to worry about toll roads, traffic, or being on the wrong side of the median.  I'll be in the town where I know where everything is, and I know all the back roads to take me exactly where I want to be.  Irmo is where my heart is for sure, not Orlando!  I'll be reunited with my loving Mama, my funny Daddy, and my best friend of a sister.  I'll get to see my sweet Aunt Laura and I'll get to worship at my favorite church in the world.  My friends will all be within driving distance (except for my bestie Taylor in Phoenix!) and for the first time in months, I don't have to automatically exclude myself from any plans my friends might make!  I'll hopefully be substitute teaching in my home district, the district that raised me, and the district that I hope to be teaching in come August.  After January 3, I don't have a clue what exactly my future holds but I know who holds my future!  I'm so thankful for this experience and I know its such a "God thing" as my mom would say that I'm even here living out my dream!  I know for a fact that I would have regretted not doing this program, so know that I am still so grateful that this was even an option for me!  I'm so thankful for this time and the many lessons I've learned throughout my 5 months here.  (Brace yourself for a funny blog later about all the funny things I've learned while working at Disney!)  While its my daily goal to be more and more thankful to the Big Man Upstairs for bringing me on this journey, some days are harder than others!!  But I am so very thankful that He has a plan for me and that He knows where I belong!

Homecoming

Its been the one thing I've been counting down to for months...PC Homecoming!!  The first day I could request time off at Disney, I put in for PC's Homecoming weekend knowing that I couldn't miss my first Homecoming as an Alum!  Not to mention this would be my first opportunity to see most of my friends since June/July!!  I decided to make the most out of the weekend and make it last as long as possible!  I always have Monday's and Wednesday's off and got approved for Friday-Saturday off as well.  All I had to do was give away my Thursday shift and I magically had a 6-day mini vacation to South Carolina lined up!  Wednesday I drove home stopping at the first Bojangles I could find!  (Sorry I'm not sorry...)  It had been over two months without Bojangles and that's just something I never want to happen again hah!  I made it home in 7 hours which was great timing considering I stopped twice!  Wednesday night was spent at home with my sweet parents.  Thursday I went out to lunch at DiPrato's with my mom, one of our most favorite lunch date spots!  Then I made my favorite stops around Irmo knowing it would be a while before making it back!  While I've learned my way around Lake Buena Vista/Orlando in my almost three months here, its always nice to go home and know exactly where everything is and not have to worry about silly toll roads getting in your way!  

Seriously, home has never looked so good!  Especially with the leaves in the yard and the fall air!!

I headed up to PC Thursday afternoon to make it in time for Zumba with Lucia!!!!!  I walked in Springs and had people running up to me from all different directions.  Seriously the best feeling ever having people so excited to see me!  It was a night of hugs and a full heart!  I made some stops around campus to my favorite people just getting to catch up on life!

My favorite people still at the Presby!

Friday came and brought Anna with it!  We went to one of our favorite lunch spots in Clinton, Jitter's for a lunch with sweet friends!!  Finally got to see Abby too and catch up on all the adventures life has brought us since this semester started!  I couldn't be more proud of my besties and the work they're doing these days!  We saw even more people at lunch and I got lots of "Wait, you're not supposed to be here!"  Such a good feeling being back in a community that loves and cares about me so much!

Jitter's!!!

This is seriously my fave sandwich...and one of the things I crave when thinking about South Carolina food!

After lunch, Anna, Abby, and I headed over to see Mani and Grace's house!  Seriously still mind boggling they're busy being married adults and I'm just playing at Disney World most days!  But it was awesome seeing their humble abode.  We made stops at the bookstore (to stock up on Alumni stuff, duh!), picked up our official Homecoming Weekend packets (hah!) and Bi-Lo for tailgating food!

Getting so official!  And I got a free koozie and a nametag I never put on!

After a busy afternoon in Clinton, it was time to head towards Greenville...TO GET MY TATTOO!!!!!!!!  Can't even tell you how excited I was!  I'm not usually someone to get nervous so my excitement was pretty huge!  Altogether, we were probably in the tattoo parlor for 30 minutes.  We walked in, met Jamie (the tattoo artist), showed him what I wanted, he drew it out, shrunk it down, fixed it up, and we got to work!  I had 7 of my sweet friends there to cheer me on and I think most of them were more nervous than I was!  Lucia was holding my hand and squeezing my hand!  She kept reminding me that I could squeeze hers...but I didn't see a need haha!  There were times that were unpleasant like at the bottom of the tattoo where my nerves are in my foot but the top half was fine, no pain!  Also my friends didn't believe I had a high pain tolerance...I don't know what it will take to make people believe me when I say that?!

Jamie getting my ankle prepped

The "unpleasant" look

So in case you don't know...which apparently a lot of people don't...I've literally always wanted a tattoo!  I don't remember a time not wanting a tattoo, it was just a matter of figuring out what I wanted and where I wanted it so I could still get a job!  After my ankle struggles last year, I had decided this was what I would get and I knew my right ankle was the perfect location seeing as that was my ankle with all the problems for half of 2012!  I decided on the tattoo in the summer and my sweet grandlittle Jamie told me I needed to be settled on the tattoo for a year before getting it, and it'd been over a year and I figured I needed to bite the bullet and do it!  Homecoming weekend couldn't have been a more perfect time!  So what is it?  Well its an anchor with a heart on top and this comes from my favorite Bible verse:

"There are three things that last forever:  faith, hope, and love.  But the greatest of these is love."  

1 Corinthians 13:13

The faith is represented by the cross in the anchor, the hope is the anchor itself  (Hebrews 6:19 says "We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure."), and the love is represented by the heart on top of the anchor and its on the top because its the most important!!!  This is my absolute favorite Bible verse and I can't think of anything better!  I'm still so obsessed with it!!  Can't stop looking down at my ankle for this constant reminder!

Thanks Jamie!!!

After leaving Ink Works, we headed to dinner in Greenville before heading back to the Presby for the night!

Before going out with my bestiessss

Only my fave roommate in the world

While at the houses, I saw Lauren Park aka Lo from my first summer at Lake J!  She's best friends with a bunch of ADPi's and came up for Homecoming with them!  It was so fun watching two worlds collide and so fun getting to see an old friend!

Chidapi til we die!

Saturday it was time for the game!!!  It was kind of depressing knowing this was my ONLY football game of the season!  I don't remember the last time I've only been to ONE football game in a year...maybe some time in middle school?!  Yikes!  Well before the game, my friends and I had our first tailgate planned all by ourselves!  Usually we have parents at the games who will plan everything but this was our first time as alum!!  

As I was getting everything set up, guess who I saw?!  SARAHHHHHHH!  MY SISTERRRRR!!!!  My friends surprised me and they got me good.  I had figured I just wouldn't get to see Sarah on this trip home since she had a busy weekend and I wouldn't be driving past Greenville, but she surprised me!!!  Keep in mind, I've only been surprised ONCE before this and this just rocked!  I was in tears as I hugged my sister and can't even express how thankful I am for such a loving sister in my life!

Mimosasssss at the tailgate

Before the game, I knew Maggie and Lucia were in Top 5 and figured they would place Runner-Up and Homecoming Queen between the two of them so I made sure to get my picture with them both before everyone else in the world would!  So thankful for my favorite seniors!!!

My Queens

With precious Grace...who needs to stop growing up ASAP!  But loved getting to spend the day with the Carson's!

And the Homecoming Queen is.....Maggie Carson!!!!!

And my favorite Runner-Up is...Lucia Leahy!!!

After the game, we all went to Senor Garcia's...only my favorite Mexican food in Clinton!  Sarah had to leave after dinner but we snapped an Irmo picture before she left...of course!

Pinkies up!!

Can't leave without a cat picture. 4 generations of cats!
#catraining

Saturday night was fun...especially seeing all the old people at the houses for Homecoming!  Now that I'm one of those old people, its super weird!  It was extra weird walking around and seeing so many people I didn't know.  At PC, you know everyone so seeing freshmen who had no idea who I was was a weird feeling.  

Sunday morning I said goodbye to Clinton with breakfast at Bojangles and then I was Irmo bound yet again.  As much fun as I had this weekend, the goodbyes just make everything more complicated.  Starting on Saturday, I started getting really sad about having to say goodbyes to all my favorite people.  Its one of those times that's very hard for me to live in the moment because I know that goodbye will be here sooner than I know it!  I only wish my time at PC could have been longer but it's always good to know I will feel like home in Clinton!  

I swear the skies are bluer and life is sweeter here!

I drove back home, down that strip of I-26 I know so well, to surprise Aunt Laura (and see the rest of my family)!!!!  My mom made chili, our usual Halloween tradition, and got to see my favorite people.  We spent the afternoon out running errands, ending with a stop at Starbucks!  Again, the sadness was sinking in of saying my goodbyes but I tried and tried to stay positive!

It's funny (or not) because when I left in August, I didn't shed much of any tears at all in my goodbyes!  I was excited more than anything and couldn't have gotten out of Irmo sooner!  Now that I have to think about not seeing any of my family for almost two months, things get a little more difficult!  I don't get to come home for Thanksgiving and my family will be in Orlando December 21.  I'm trying to remind myself this will be the only Thanksgiving and Christmas that I'm away from my family, but it doesn't make the sadness go away.  It will be 2014 before I'm back in Irmo and with my family again!

  I learned some important lessons this weekend in catching up with people...

1.  Lots of people keep up with my Disney adventures which I totally love!  People continually referenced my pictures, statuses, snapchats, and blog which totally rocks!

2.  I'm really good at making my experience seem really awesome and wonderful!  Don't get me wrong, my time at Disney is a great experience but no where close to perfect.  There are hard days and I don't love what I'm doing every day.  Before leaving for home, almost every day had been a pretty bad day so staying positive was a little difficult throughout the weekend!

3.  I long for the community I left at PC!  I don't know if there will ever come a day where I get to feel that sense of community I felt as a student at PC.  Its something that really can't be matched.  I know forever and ever, I'll try to create a community that can live up to my days at PC, but those are some pretty big shoes to fill!


I couldn't be more thankful for my time at home and I look forward to seeing my friends and family again!  I'm daily trying to live in the moment and appreciate this experience!  While every day isn't magical, I have to remember this is a job and its at the Happiest Place on Earth!!!  Forever and ever I get to say that I worked at Disney World and I never want to look back and regret how I spent my time here.  If you would, keep me in your prayers for a positive attitude and a thankful heart during my last two months as a colonial woman and I just need continual guidance as to what to do after January 3!  Thanks for following my adventures!! :)

Favorite Weekend at Disney!!!

As soon as I got this job, I told my mom she would be bringing Laura to experience Disney!  I told my mom I didn't care who came to see me, but Laura better be one of them!  And my mom kept that promise.  Laura along with my mom, Sarah, and my Aunt Debbie all made their way to Walt Disney World Friday, October 11 during Sarah's Fall Break!  We started our time together with dinner at the Old Key West Resort at Olivia's Cafe.  My family ate here during one of our trips and remembered it being good, so we figured it would be a fun place for our first dinner!  Again, real food for a whole weekend makes seeing my family even better!!!  After dinner, we headed to Downtown Disney for some shopping and I had to pick up a special gift for Laura!  I got her her very first pair of Mickey ears, with her name on them!!  Laura loves anything with her name on it and these were no exception!  I knew this gift could go either way.  Either she'd love it and wear them non-stop, or she wouldn't wear them at all!  Luckily she fell in love with them and wore them all weekend (except for our last day!)

So excited about her ears!

I got a big kiss for her present!!

Only my favorite people, ever

 Also, Sarah decided when I got this job that she'd be visiting on Fall Break whether anyone came with her or not!  This was the first time we saw each other since moving her into her apartment a couple days before moving to Orlando!  We've never gone that long without seeing each other, but unfortunately we'll have to since we won't see each other until Christmas!  How lucky am I to have such a great sister that makes saying goodbye so hard!

Saturday, we started at Epcot!  We headed to Guest Relations to get Laura's 1st Visit pin.  Just like the ears, she had to make sure she kept her pin on all weekend!!  She wanted everyone to know this was her trip, in typical Laura fashion.

Love love love her!!!

Some of Aunt Debbie's friends headed to get us FastPasses to Soarin' (since we had been convincing Laura how much she would love it).  We found Pluto and decided this would be Laura's first character meet and greet!  Walking up, Laura says, "There's a person in there, right?"  Hahahah Laura!  She's smart, just ruining the magic!  She did good with her first meeting and we moved on to Spaceship Earth!

All the girls with Pluto!

We rode lots of rides and got to go to the Siemens Office at the back of the Epcot ball since Aunt Debbie works for Siemens!  They had a Magic Mirror and free drinks ha!  Laura wasn't a fan of the moving sidewalks (as we anticipated) or Soarin' (as we weren't anticipating).  Before getting here, we told Laura the rules were if you get scared to close your eyes, hold someone's hand, and scream.  She repeated these rules for us over and over but did she use them?  NO!  Soarin' was a struggle and no where near Laura's favorite thing!  We thought she was having a panic attack and she wouldn't close her eyes.  She just kept asking when we would be getting back on the ground.  Haha, what an experience it was Soarin' with Laura!

We had to snap a picture before leaving Epcot!

After leaving Epcot, we headed to Animal Kingdom!  We rode a couple rides and even convinced Laura to try "It's Tough to be a Bug!"  Bad decision.  She kept her head on my shoulder the whole time she wasn't screaming and swatting bugs away from her face!

With the Tree of Life

The main thing we were excited about doing at Animal Kingdom was the Festival of the Lion King Show.  One of the perks of working at Disney is having other friends who work at Disney and I'm just so lucky to have a roommate who works at the Lion King show.  She was so sweet to put us on the VIP List meaning we got to be front row and got extra special treatment!  Seriously can't thank Courtney enough for this experience as it was our first and probably most favorite Magical Moment of the weekend!  At first, Laura was asked to help make the elephant noise but she turned that down so Sarah got chosen to lead the elephants.  However, Sarah forgot what noise an elephant makes...embarrassing!!! Ha!  But the show got started and we had so much fun!  Laura was amazed by Simba...so much so that we had to remind her to watch the show!  The dancers and Tumble Monkeys were so interactive with us, it was an awesome show!  At one point in the show, the dancers choose children from the audience to dance around the auditorium with them!  Luckily, our dancer saw Laura's potential and invited her to dance!!  Oh man, if you know Laura at all you know how she lovesssss to dance!  She got a shaker and she went to work!  Laura was dancing all around and even took a bow when her time as the star of the show was up!  Classic Laura!  It was such a magical moment and leave it to the Fogle girls to start crying watching it happen!  

Laura stealing the show as always!

After our afternoon at Animal Kingdom, we headed to the Trails End Restaurant at Fort Wilderness.  We'd never been to this restaurant and I was more than excited.  Its a buffet with some gooooood food!  Between the ribs and BBQ and macaroni and cheese and cornbread, I was kind of in heaven.  Florida doesn't have southern food and this was the closest I've gotten in a while!  There was so much awesome food, it was hard to choose what all to try!  Okay, I'll stop being a fatty and telling you all about our food! But, you should check out Trails End!  It rocked!

Sunday started our day at Magic Kingdom!!  First thing we did was run to get Fast Passes to meet the princesses.  As Sarah and I went to the back of the park for those, the Haines women found Susie, a Cast Member in Entertainment walking down Main Street who could tell how much Laura wanted to go on the Carousel and she made some magic happen so that Laura could ride on Cinderella's horse.  In case you don't know, Cinderella's horse has a gold ribbon on its tail!  Laura felt like Cinderella and Susie even made sure we had a PhotoPass photographer taking pictures of Laura enjoying it all!  Talk about another Magical Moment!  As a Cast Member, I know how awesome it is to make a child's day with some magic.  As a Cast Member in the park as a Guest, it was even more awesome to see the magic happen!!!!

Loving life on Cinderella's Horse!

After riding the Carousel, we headed to meet the Princesses!  First was Cinderella and Aurora then Rapunzel and Snow White!  We even met Lady Tremaine and the evil stepsisters.  Laura wasn't the biggest fan but they were so entertaining! 

Love love love my sweet Mama!

Can't ever get enough of my sweet Aunt Laura!

We rode lots and lots of rides throughout the day and even ate lunch at Be Our Guest with more of our family!  My dad's twin, Aunt Nancy and her family came to Magic Kingdom for the day as well!  My cousin Kevin and his wife Dixie moved to Gainesville this summer and Aunt Nancy, Uncle Jeff, and Lisa were down visiting so it was awesome getting to see even more family!!!  

On the People Mover...far from Laura's favorite ride!

While in Tomorrowland, my good friend Stitch told me he would be at a dance party!  As soon as I told Laura Stitch wanted to dance with her, she got pretty excited!  We saw Chip and Dale come out to the party and waited on Stitch!  Laura loved getting to dance with Stitch and all the kids were jealous of Laura getting all the attention!

We ate dinner at my restaurant and I was so excited to see some of my pals from work!!  Also, this was the first time I've eaten at my restaurant as a Guest!  It was awesome, as if I would expect anything less from the Harbour House!  We hit up the Haunted Mansion after dinner and Laura absolutely lovedddd it!  She's still talking about it!  Our day at Magic Kingdom was magical indeed!

Monday was our day at Hollywood Studios!  First thing we did was Tower of Terror and Rock 'n Roller Coaster!  I sat with Laura instead of going on Tower of Terror...it is the only ride at Disney I won't do!  And then my mom and I switched places for Rock 'n Roller Coaster!  We ate at my favorite place, Pizza Planet, for lunch!  And we rode my favorite ride, Toy Story Midway Mania!!!!  We rode almost every ride there and saw the Beauty and the Beast show as well as the Little Mermaid show!  Laura loved them both!!  We ended our night at Fantasmic!  Somehow the Fogle's have never seen this show and I wasn't going to let my family leave without seeing them this time.  Laura enjoyed it way more than Wishes (just because she doesn't really like the loud noises that come with fireworks).  But she loved seeing all the characters and the music at Fantasmic!

Hanging out with our Trading Pins, typical tourists!

After the show, we headed out and took one last picture in front of the hat..that you can't really see!

It was such a fun weekend with my family here!  Makes me wish they could come all the time!  Getting to experience Laura's first visit will be one of my favorite memories forever!  So so thankful for my family and the time we got to spend together!