What's Next?

It's that question people couldn't help but ask throughout my senior year of college, and I suppose it will be the question that's always asked.  What's next?  What are you doing after this?  So, what's next?  Hmmm...good question! 

Last spring when I found out I was accepted into the Disney College Program, I had an answer for everyone's questions.  I didn't have to worry.  I had a job, a place to live, and something to do with my life!  Granted I didn't know where my job was at and I didn't know where I'd live or who I'd be living with, but I knew it would all be provided for me in time.  I knew I wouldn't have to worry about what's next until January 3.  To top it all off, I was getting to live out a dream of working at Disney World!  I came into this experience thinking I would stay at Disney forever.  I left Irmo in August thinking I'd never live there again.  Honestly, I had every expectation to be a Disney Cast Member until I retire and I was so excited about this being the opportunity that opened that door!  I knew that I was made to work at Disney World and in my mind, nothing was going to stop me.  If you know me at all, you know I'm a planner and the plan was to complete my program in January and soon after start a Professional Internship that would hopefully land me a job in May.  While I applied for some Professional Internships when the applications came out in September, it didn't take long for me to realize my heart wasn't in those internships no matter how much it made sense to just stay one extra semester.

To say this experience didn't turn out to be what I expected is an understatement.  I have been looking forward to doing this program for 10 years since I stumbled upon the DCP website in 2003.  The expectations and hopes that you create over 10 years can easily be shattered by the reality of the hard work that comes with this program.  I'm not even entirely sure what all I anticipated on happening, but I know this experience is nothing like what I was expecting at any point during those 10 years of dreaming.  I was given the role of Quick Service Food and Beverage and placed at the Columbia Harbour House.  To say that wasn't the role I was hoping for is definitely an understatement.  I have experience in food and the last thing I wanted was to work at a restaurant again...even if it was at Magic Kingdom.  

The first month of work was good.  Yes, there were hard days, but I didn't ever let them get to me.  In my mind, I was still planning on having that Cinderella story of working my way up from the very bottom.  I just kept reminding myself that one day this would all make for a great Disney story.  (All the Cast Members high up have one!)  I told myself that I was there to prove how hard of a worker I was and that the day would come where I wouldn't have to do anymore trash or deal with hungry, complaining guests...and it would all be worth it in the end!  Like I said, the first month was great!  Everything was good and nothing could stop me from living out this life-long dream!  Shortly after being here for a month, the reality set in.

Hi, my name is Rachel and I work at Walt Disney World, the one place I've always wanted to work.  I have a college degree and I'm supposed to be a teacher right now and yet here I am taking out trash, dealing with disrespectful Guests, and working at the bottom of the totem pole.  I am a teeny tiny fish in this humongous ocean that is Walt Disney World.  And although I love people more than anything in this world, I've developed a strong dislike for the human race based on the people I deal with on a daily basis.  And to think, I work at the Happiest Place on Earth...in the Magic Kingdom for goodness sake!

That's my mentality.  That's what I feel every day.  I'm at the place I've always wanted to work and yet I can't wait to leave this place most days.  Most of my days are far from magical and the only reminders that I work in Magic Kingdom are the hilarious Disney outfits, swarms of Brazilian tour groups, outrageous numbers of Mickey ears, and tons of Guests with celebration buttons.  The thing I love most in this world is people and I work in a park with 50,000 new people daily!  You would think I would be on Cloud 9 getting to talk to all of these people from around the world.  Instead, I've kind of lost my hope for humanity.  I don't see manners, I don't hear "thank you's", I hear screaming, I see parents who hit and kick their children, I see disrespect, I hear complaining, and I don't like any of it!  Its all negative and I can't stand it!  These aren't the people I love.  These people don't have any love in their hearts, and if they do they're doing a really good job of hiding it.  I'm the girl who always smiles and some days its hard to smile!  I'm optimistic and yet I can't seem to find the positives in this day-to-day life.  Where's the magic?  Where's the happiness?  How can people be so mean at Disney World?  I've had Guests yell at me, argue with me, literally scream in my face, and I have even had a child spit on me.  And while I can't wait to be an educator and I pride myself on being able to discipline children, I especially can't handle it when I find myself in a position of wanting to discipline a child because his/her parents don't know how to.  Don't make me discipline your child!!  Do you let your child run circles around your dining room table?  Why should they run around mine?  Do you let your kids stand on chairs and sit on your kitchen table?  Why would you let them sit on ours here?  I know you don't let your children run around like wild animals at home so why is it they get to at Magic Kingdom?!  All of these questions will never be answered and I'm okay with that but I knew not long after starting this job, this wasn't the place for me.  The biggest problem is...

I don't love who I am here.

I've never felt like this.  I loved PC and all that it was for me.  I loved my life at PC!  Between ADPi, Admissions, being a CA, my best friends, my sweet residents, the incomparable community, and the love that is at PC, there were never days of doubt that I was in the wrong place.  I loved my summers at Lake Junaluska and I loved the person I get to be at the lake.  I love getting to tell youth how awesome Jesus is and I love the life they can fill a room with!  I love getting to see Jesus at work and I never doubted my place while working at Lake J.  But here is different.  I don't love me here.  I know I can't stay here because I can't be the best me that I can be while I'm working here.  And that's the most disappointing realization I hope to ever have!  The one place I've always wanted to be is just no good for me!  Why is this so different?  I don't have my family, my church, or my community.  I have some friends and I enjoy the people I work with but nothing can compare to the community I had at PC or the loving family that misses me at home or the awesome church family I have at Union UMC!  Nothing can compare with the community who made me who I am.  And I want nothing more than to be back in Irmo and get back to being the me that I love!

While its somewhat relieving to know that I don't belong here and that I do belong somewhere else, its so heartbreaking at the same time.  I remember standing in front of Cinderella's Castle during Wishes when I came to Disney World for Spring Break of my freshman year of college.  With tears running down my cheeks, I dreamed to one day work here.  Its that same feeling I get every time I watch Wishes when I realize this is my wish coming true!  I'm literally following my dream.  All those Walt Disney quotes about how fun it is to do the impossible things the rest of the world tells us we can't do, I'm living them out!!!  And now I'm leaving.  I feel as if I'm letting myself down, as if I'm giving up on my dreams, as if I'm going back to doing what the world says I should do and forgetting what I want to do.  That's the biggest battle I have with myself.  Am I giving up on the one thing I've always wanted to do?  Quite possibly, yes.  But I have to pray that this is the right thing.  I pray that this gut feeling I have that this is not where I belong is true.  I pray that God has bigger and better dreams for me, I just haven't discovered them yet!  I still have big dreams as far as being a teacher and one day being a principal!  I just have to get out of Walt Disney World and into the world of education before those dreams get to become a reality!

So, what's next?  January 3 I'll make my voyage back to Irmo, South Carolina, the sweet town I miss so much.  The town where I can get anywhere I want within 10 minutes and not have to worry about toll roads, traffic, or being on the wrong side of the median.  I'll be in the town where I know where everything is, and I know all the back roads to take me exactly where I want to be.  Irmo is where my heart is for sure, not Orlando!  I'll be reunited with my loving Mama, my funny Daddy, and my best friend of a sister.  I'll get to see my sweet Aunt Laura and I'll get to worship at my favorite church in the world.  My friends will all be within driving distance (except for my bestie Taylor in Phoenix!) and for the first time in months, I don't have to automatically exclude myself from any plans my friends might make!  I'll hopefully be substitute teaching in my home district, the district that raised me, and the district that I hope to be teaching in come August.  After January 3, I don't have a clue what exactly my future holds but I know who holds my future!  I'm so thankful for this experience and I know its such a "God thing" as my mom would say that I'm even here living out my dream!  I know for a fact that I would have regretted not doing this program, so know that I am still so grateful that this was even an option for me!  I'm so thankful for this time and the many lessons I've learned throughout my 5 months here.  (Brace yourself for a funny blog later about all the funny things I've learned while working at Disney!)  While its my daily goal to be more and more thankful to the Big Man Upstairs for bringing me on this journey, some days are harder than others!!  But I am so very thankful that He has a plan for me and that He knows where I belong!